Rogue Culture Aficionado

It's a documented fact, even before Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus, that Men and Women, think and react differently. For instance, consider a trip to the ATM:

MALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to the cash machine. 2 Put down your car window. 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6 Put window up. 7 Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to cash machine. 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine. 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down. 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card. 5 Turn the radio down. 6 Attempt to insert card into machine. 7 Attempt to insert card into machine. 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 9 Insert card. 10 Re-insert card the right side up 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 12 Enter PIN. 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 14 Enter amount of cash required. 15 Check make up in rear view mirror. 16 Retrieve cash and receipt. 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook. 19 Re-check make-up again. 20 Drive forwards 2 feet. 21 Reverse back to cash machine. 22 Retrieve card. 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind. 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off. 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27 Release Parking Brake.

This joke has been posted and emailed around the internet for some time but the part that rings most true for me is a woman's need to do 10 different things when they get into their parked cars and none of those things include driving. My Grandmother, Mother, past girlfriends, and Mrs. Padrone all fall prey to this phenomenon... Frankly, I am not sure what they are doing when they get into to their cars.

As a child, my mom would rush us (my 2 brothers and I) to the car to head to the grocery store, the mall, the movies or wherever. Without fail she would get us all in, seat belted, and settled, then she would start to check make up, make sure she has her shopping list, and adjust the mirror (of the car that only she drove every single day). Mind you, we were in the car under the threat of being left at home or spanked because we weren't moving fast enough. And if it was a hot summer day, not only were we rushed to the car faster than usual but we would sit - motionless, car not started, no AC - even longer (or so it seemed). While she primped, excavated her purse, and conducted more mirror and gauge checks than an airline pilot. All while we literally melted, got heat rash from the leather seats, and suffered from dehydration... And so it was, until I started driving myself.

Then there is Mrs. P. who basically illustrates the fact that we, Men, all look for our mothers in our future wives, at least on some levels because dammit she does the same thing my Mom did! And it drives me nuts! It is definitely a woman thing, and no I can't understand. What the hell are you ladies doing when you get into your car?

I was prompted to blog about this after several incidents of me waiting on a parking spot for over 7 minutes. It definitely reminded me of my Mom and Mrs. Padrone's habit, but furthermore I may be suffering from "Parking Syndrome" because I started to fell hot, dehydrated and general dis-ease. Under most circumstances, 7 minutes isn't long but when you are caused to block traffic, because some lady is doing her make-up, talking/texting on the cell, puttering around in the car, or checking the mirrors of the car she just got out of 5 minutes ago - it's a big problem! I have actually been working on a theory called "The Butterfly Effect of Female Car Parking." Which states that most traffic in Los Angeles can be directly correlated to women taking over 7 minutes to get out of their parking space. Look for it to published shortly. And for the love of children everywhere, please don't let them suffer in the heat (or extreme cold), while you meander around the cabin of your vehicle, it's a borderline criminal offense.


It's simple ladies, when you get in the car, how about just starting the car, checking your rear view mirror for oncoming traffic, and getting on down the yellow brick road. It would be greatly appreciate, especially during the hectic holiday season.

	Goverment or Goverment Name, pronounced: "Gov'mint": someone's actual name recognized by the government, and on official ID. kept secret by most thugs who use their alias, street, hood, nick - name. Ex: "Yo, son - don't be using my government name up in here." via: UrbanDictionary.com

I digress form my main topic only to demonstrate that I truly appreciate words, their meanings, their ability to convey images and provoke thought. But it seems Web 2.0's startup companies have neglected to master the fundamentals. Myspace and Facebook are obvious... it's "my space" and a book that shows faces, respectively. But do the following names NOT sound like gibberish, gobbledygook, and baby babble:

Smule, Xnobi, Ocarina, Bajca, Boxee,Jinni, Fring, Infoaxe, Plista, Zenbe, Zoozbeat, Twingr, Zynga, Happenr, Judaka

I understand that the competition and cost for domain names occasionally make it more feasible to come up with something original and cool sounding rather than pay huge fees for a moniker some one else has already "copped". I also get that Twitter "tweets" what you are going to be doing at 3pm to all your friends. And it's not a far jump from the twitching one experiences from "Crackberry" withdrawal... or waiting for that next important call, text, or email (ahem Mrs. P). But these company names are an assault on (and insult to) the English language. Not to mention, the branding nightmare most of them must create.

Obviously, I am not a marketing genius. But isn't it common sense to have a name that conjures up an image somewhee in the realm of what your company does, produces, or at least mentions the names of the people that own the company? The names above conjure images of various items that have nothing to do with: Snacks (Twingr), Lord of The Rings character(Bajca), Diseases (Plista... yuck!) - or quite frankly just some made up bullshit. No offense to the companies, I am sure they do, whatever they do, very well. It's worth noting too, that most of the companies aforementioned were taken from the past weeks posts over at Techcrunch.com... and they all were getting enormous amounts of money (re: millions!) to do... what they do. Maybe I should come up with a silly gibberish name and pitch it to raise millions in capital to fund another social network or app that we don't really need. Better yet maybe I should just start buying up any words I hear toddlers speak and sell the domain's to the highest bidder. Unfortunately, I may have already been beat to the punch.

Look, I enjoy words whether they're used counter-culturally, connotatively, contemplatively, or counter-intuitively... their use is relevant depending on how, when, and by whom they are used. But this trend of silly sounding names for social networks and apps really must cease. It's not cute, funny, or clever. Just like the recent trend in television commercials that don't show the product they're advertising, but splash the brand name at the end of it so that we know a name (in most case we still have no clue what they are selling), it's utter nonsense...but that's a topic for another post!